Mar 2008

OK, That’s a total lie, but an irresistible title. We’ve been here for 3 or 4 nights so far. Much more fun on the return visit – last time we just wanted to get to the beaches and rid our minds of all city thoughts (Peckham does that to you). This time we were up for sight seeing.

Matt and Justin were with us for their last two days. We had a painless flight back from Koh Samui – though there were loads of mozzies in the plane which makes for a lot of swatting and general panic whilst the safety briefing is going on. There were too many lardy people and the types that spend 30 minutes messing around with the overhead lockers in between us and the exits to make any kind of escape possible anyhow so – safety schmafety. (I do actually take note of where the emergency exits are on each flight – I watched a documentary ages ago that concluded your chances of survival in an air crash are wholly down to how close you are to the exits and how fast you can get to them – Discovery channel wisdom for you).

We checked into a half decent hotel (with a bath!!) and then got stuck into Bangkok proper. We also checked out China Town and had a hectic meal, delicious mind you. I pretended to make off with a whole shark fin much to their amusement – it was about £800 for the whole fin! – they were most insistent we had shark fin soup but we are backpackers – a touch too pricey, even for the soup – around £25 a bowl.

(On the Koh San Road again)

We did a longtail boat tour 1st. This is essentially a Gondola with a truck engine on it zooming around the canals for an hour – taking in sights like the floating market and, far more interestingly, looking at all the houses and communities based on the edge of the waterways. Very enjoyable and enlightening – one thing you notice is that they have a LOT of temples.

(I certainly would NOT swim in the water)

With that in mind, the next day we set off to see the Grand Palace – they have a rule that you must cover your bare flesh to go inside – i.e. no shorts, no short skirts, and no sleeveless tops (Justin!) – Justin had to go and rent a shirt for the day and he ended up looking like a janitor in his blue collar. More fun than that was waiting for him and watching a Thai lady with a megaphone shouting at practically everyone, “you! No shorts”, “you, people, no sleeves, you get clothes”. It’s amazing how many people will ignore the guide books, or don’t have one at all – whole groups arrived dressed inappropriately. Some slipped though by being sneaky. So much for respecting the Monks.

We were very lucky to see the Grand Palace – a chap at the main gate, standing right by a soldier told us , “Grand Palace closed” – open again at 3.30 (We happened to know 3.30 is actually when it closes) – we ignored him and walked 1 min down the road and entered the “closed” palace. This is common place. It’s a tuk-tuk scam. If anybody sees you heading for a tourist attraction they come over, all helpful, and tell you the object of your desire is indeed closed for cleaning/Thai holiday/Monks praying blah blah blah – then they tell you you should get a Tuk Tuk to another temple (they mean their mates’ clothes shop). We got half stung like this when a Tuk Tuk took us to a boat pier that amazingly wanted to charge us 4x more than normal. We ran. So far, EVERY single Tuk Tuk driver in Bangkok we have dealt with has been dishonest, and EVERY single person who has offered help when you are looking at a map, has wandered off, then as if by magic, a Tuk Tuk appears offering to take you to the place the chap you just spoke to was talking about. They seriously need to ban these things It does the Thai people a huge disservice when the 1st thing you are presented with in Thailand is dishonesty. All the Thais we have met have been super. Apart from Tuk Tuk drivers.

Anyway – returning to the Grand Palace – it was certainly eye candy, with lots of emerald Buddhas and gold everywhere and some stunning wall paintings. The main super special Buddah was in a room you are not allowed to take pictures in – but I managed – long zoom and 1600 Iso :-) Being that there were three lads in the group a lot of silly Buddah poses ensued.

(I’m incensed! – groan)

(Matt and "Justin the Janitor" in a WestSide Freeze)

I also noticed a very odd sign on the ticket entrance to the site, “Free for Thai People” – think about it. The sign was in English. Don’t get that.

After that many more beers were sunk and Matt and Justin zoomed off to the airport. It was great fun having them over and very very odd seeing them leave in a taxi – knowing they are going all the way back to the UK and that we are effectively “home” as it stands.

The following day K & I went to the Ocean World, based in two basement floors of the Paragon Shopping Center. What a place! It has a glass walkway under the main shark aquarium and you can also (which we did) get on a glass bottom boat and go on the top of the water and look down, whith a guide who found it too funny, far too many times, to make jokes about feeding people to the sharks. By the 6th time it was getting embarrassing.

We watched as two guys in scuba gear fed the sharks – all a few feet from your face. Brilliant stuff. I would have lots of great pictures but our little Sony digital camera packed up when we got there! I got as few crapo ones with my phone. I got a picture of K touching a real snake but alas my phone cam is useless in low light – very brave of her (I did too!)

(yep, he’s looking at me)

Pretty much everything in there was fascinating and we thoroughly recommend it to anyone visiting Bangkok. As part of the package we got tickets to the “4D” Ocean cinema experience. I pretty much assumed the “4th” dimension would involve moving seats or the likes of. I was mostly right. We donned our 3D glasses and the movie started. The “3D-ness” was impressive and soon into the feature a massive sea snake swam at us – it was right in front of your nose, and Kirstin, bless her, wasn’t sure if it was just her seeing it like this. She hates snakes, and just as the snake was inches from our noses the seats luched forwards and compressed air was blown in our faces from hidden jets. She took off her glasses AND closed her eyes :-) As the movie continued they played various other tricks including thin air pipes on the floor that flow around your ankles making it feel like you were being touched by sea tentacles. A short but super experience.

After that we checked out the rest of the shopping centre. I wanted some cheap small speakers for the beach so we headed to the Hi-Fi floor. On route we noticed a Lambourghini in a showroom. I assumed this was the usual competition in a shopping centre thing, then quickly realised that this was really a dealership (on the 5th floor) and there were dealerships for BMW, Spyker and other luxury cars. This was no cheapo shopping center. We found a hi-fi shop but this was not place to be spending a tenner! – There were the kind of speakers and amps in there that you read about in a magazine with a pop out feature titled “If you had £100,000 to spend on speakers…” – it was mega rich land.

(At last I found speakers big enough to be buried in…)

We didn’t ask for prices, would have been too embarrassing, but I saw stuff in there only millionaires can buy to be one up on their other millionaire friends.

We went back to the ground floor where we belonged and had a KFC.

We’ve decided in a fit of impulsiveness to delay North Thailand by a week or two and go to Cambodia to see Angkor Watt. We have a choice of flying or going overland. Flying is £400 return for the both of us for a 45 minute flight. Bangkok air has a monopoly on flights to Siem Reap. So we are going overland. I’ve done a lot of research and it’s a bit of a minefield (no pun intended, honest) – the journey is littered with scams and cons. I’ve found a great website by someone who does the journey all the time and goes into great detail on how to do it with the least hassle. Basically it goes like this:

Get train from BKK to border – leaves 5.55 am – takes five and a half hours – cost -…….70pence each!!
Get off train and get £1 tuk tuk to border (don’t let any tour guides on tuk tuk with us)
Ignore anyone who approaches us and go straight to immigration.
Ignore pretend immigration officials
Pay $20 for visa, refuse to pay more in Baht
Get on free bus to transport depot, again ignoring touts and keeping all children at arms length
Get $45 taxi to Siem Reap - 5 hours ish. Make sure it’s a mafia taxi. If not mafia taxi they will stop your taxi and threaten driver. Make sure you don’t share taxi – too hot and cramped. Make sure taxi is really going to Siem Reap.

Whole thing should cost around £25 for the two of us, rather than £200 each way. Whether we come back by plane or overland depends on how the outgoing trip goes. Should be a hoot. We are going to book the hotel my Sister Clare stayed at – pool bar sealed the deal.

It goes on. If you want a laugh, read this:

http://www.talesofasia.com/cambodia-overland-bkksr-self.htm

We are catching the train tomorrow morning and leaving most of our stuff in a lockup in Bangkok so we can travel light (and run fast !). We are getting pretty handy at spotting conmen now so it should just be a case of ignoring people and giving them “that” look.

Lots of pictures of Angkor Watt will be incoming shortly!.....

p.s. mended the camera! – read on the net for a solution and the common theme was “bash the mo-fo in the floor” – not taking this seriously until I read lots of replies saying, “wow, yes! It really works”. So I threw it on our stone floor and bingo! It works!

Visitors!

Matt and Justin Arrived in typical Thai style. We worked out roughly how long it would take to get from Krabi airport to out place, and they arrived 3 hours later than our estimate. Their taxi/truck took them all over the place whilst the driver picked up his washing, dropped off some goods, etc etc. It was quite a shock when they did actually arrive. It was quite surreal. Within the hour we had them accustomed to the way of the hammock and all was sorted.

The next day, after they’d settled in and we’d knocked back a whole heap of Singha beers we spent most of the time “hammocking” and generally doing what we’ve become experts at – mostly nothing. Justin and I had a brief knock about with the badminton set we’ve managed to buy a few days earlier – that lasted about 10 minutes due to the heat and their jetlag. Not a bad thing considering one of the rackets popped strings almost immediately. Thai build quality is something we have become accustomed to. There is a very good reason you can buy two rackets and a shuttlecock for £4. When I unzipped the racket bag the zipper fell off immediately. That was a clear sign of things to come.

A day or so later we hired a scooter “taxi”. They are scooters with a third wheel attached and seating for up to 7 extra people (we’ve seen 7 but 4 or 5 seems to be the norm). Usually, you hail them like cabs and agree a fee and they scoot you round the island in relative comfort. We decided to hire our own for the day. Better to be able to talk to each other than be on individual scooters we thought. How wrong we were. Don’t get me wrong, it was bloody good fun, but this thing was almost uncontrollable. When I attempted to steer, the front wheel, having practically no weight on it, would just skip and bounce and we’d carry on in a straight line. If I accelerated in 1st or 2nd gear up any kind of incline we’d wheelie – consequently losing 100% control of the steering (and 50% of our brakes!). When I eased off the throttle we’d veer left, when I accelerated we’d veer right. It got to the point that going up hill required myself as the rider, and Justin as the most forward passenger to both lean over the front of the whole contraption just to keep some kind of control. It was slow going. We got to a café on a very steep hill and everyone but me got off to allow me to park safely.

We now have great admiration for the regular “taxi” drivers and can also confirm that a 100cc engine is not big enough for 4 people.

The next couple of days the weather took a decidedly nasty turn and we got grey skies and regular heavy downpours. Fortunately we always seemed to find ourselves at a bar during these challenging times so it all panned out OK.

On our last day in Koh Lanta we agreed that the Muay Thai (sp?) boxing was not to be missed. For the few that don’t know, that’s Thai kick boxing. It’s kind of odd. They spend pretty much as much time performing their pre-fight rituals as they do actually fighting. They walk around the ring, seemingly praying at each corner, then crouch in the middle, flapping their feet and rolling their fists over each other in they way people used to do in disco dancing. When they eventually face each other, accompanied by rhythmic drum and “wailing” music, they kind of gently bob about with the music, switching weight from foot to foot and wiggling their heads. Then, at last, they kick the crap out of each other.

They started off with the youngest and worked up through the age/weight classes through the evening. To be honest, the younger lads were the most impressive to watch. They were keener, more agile, and seemed to be able to end the fights with submissions more than the heavier chaps. My heart was in my mouth at one stage when one lad got a sharp kick to the head and collapsed, but he was OK in the end. The Thai spectators were very keen and clearly had money riding on the fights – waving slips of paper in the air, and tossing them away when their chaps lost.

Great fun, and looking forward to catching a “bigger” event in Bangkok.

The next day we set off to go back to Koh Phan Gnan to show the boys the paradise we’d been staying at at the start of our adventure. It was very sad leaving Kun, Lap, Tom and the others behind at Koh Lanta. We’d become close and Kun made a touching gesture that made it clear that he and I had become good friends over our 5 weeks of knowing each other. Things like that are going to be memorable on our travels.

(Why may facial expression is so dorky I will never know)

Our trip back to Koh Phan Gnan was supposed to be from 7am, arriving at 5pm. I won’t bore you with the details but we got their at 11pm. What was clear was that the company arranging our journey had 90% of the people going one way, and 10% (us) going another way, so they avoided laying on extra transport for us and consequently dumped us very late at a harbour and legged it before we noticed our boat was waaay later than planned. We’ve definitely learnt that over here it’s better to arrange all of your own transport than let someone else do it.

Koh Phan Gnan was as great as it had been before and the lads enjoyed a trip to the waterfalls and lots of beach time.

We popped over to the unused beach next door and inspiration overcame us. We decided to build a sand-formula-one-car-castle. We got the front wheels and bodywork done and then I realised that the tide was coming in so we decided to abandon the plan due to not wanting to see our hard work go to waste. Great fun and Justin managed to skin his knee in his excitement playing about in the sand.

Kirstin was out of the sand castle building action. She got her hand stung by a bee in Koh Lanta which then swelled up to the extent she couldn’t move her fingers and we hastily took off her wedding rings. It got worse before it got better. Fortunately we got some antihistamine tabs from the chemist. The only down side (well, I thought it was quite cool) was that the tabs also contained a tranquiliser lol. She was very quiet and quite spaced out for a day.

After three days it started going back to normal and all is well now.

On two of the nights one of the beach bars hosted a BBQ and put cushions on the sand with little tables and lit a fire – we had super times, chilling and knocking back Vodka Redbulls and PinaColadas – I don’t think Matt or Justin will be touching a PInacolada for some time to come.

(the effect of 7 Vodka Redbulls was not subtle)

After 5 days chilling in Koh Phan Gnan we headed back to Koh Samui on a ferry that picked us up directly from our beach. Talk about convenient. We had in mind staying somewhere a little more “swish” in Koh Samui and we’d seen a few likely candidates on the beach when we last stopped there for a day. Slight catch, when we checked the prices they ranged between £150 to £400 per night per room!!! – we rather hilariously ended up back at the flea pit we stayed at before.

We now have a day here, then we are off to Bangkok for 2 days before the lads fly home. We plan to do the sight seeing that me and K skipped when we were first there (we were too excited about the beaches at the time) – floating market, temples, and something about ping-pong girls too – no idea what they are on about.

After that K and I are going to catch the slow train through North Thailand, stopping at several places along the way for temples and animals etc, ending up at Chang Mai, and then after a rest, over to Laos. We’ve had our fill of beaches for now and are both very much looking forward to some “culture” action.

One more thing – a huge thanks from Larry and Eva for our pressies! – I now have a portable version of “shut the box” and K got lots of lovely lady stuff. I’ve managed to shut the box once so far!